I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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