I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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