ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
