I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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