Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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