I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
