Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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