Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
