whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Who died my cat blue again?
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