I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
