I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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