We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
