He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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