look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize