so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
