I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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