More tranny stories later!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
