my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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