i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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