I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
