apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
