Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
