I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
