hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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