you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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