So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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