I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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