Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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