It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
