im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
