just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
