the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
