Swine flu. Run for my life!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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