my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
