Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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