I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
