Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
