I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
