You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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