I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
