Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
