im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
