hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
