also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
