There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
