I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
