Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
