I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
