I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
