So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
