I just cut my nipple shaving
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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