We're facebook friends in real life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
