Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
