I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
