we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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