Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
