wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
