I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
