I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm always down for nudity.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
