hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
my liver is dry heaving
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
