Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Someone shattered a urinal.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
