and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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