Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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