Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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