my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
