She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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