so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
