yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
