I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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It's never too late to be topless.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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