I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
