Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
