i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
