i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
