We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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