on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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