I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
