i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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