I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
