The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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