As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
