i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
