Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
