I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
