Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
