Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
