3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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