I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MIDGETS
????
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
