Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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