I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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