Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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