Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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