New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
