bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
how drunk are you?
Several
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is puke in my bra ... again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
